Why, hello there Handsome.

I’m Haven.

No, you won’t be safe here. I won’t tell you comforting lies. I am a refuge for the truth.  Large or small, sometimes the greatest epiphanies fall from the most innocuous moments. I have had these, though I make no promises that you might.

I would say, I’m just a girl, but I don’t usually feel like one. I don’t usually feel human at all. A body walking, talking, thinking. Animated consciousness. I recognize the world around me though it feels as if someone else is stimulating my actions as I witness from afar.

My story is set in the mundane. Recognizable as the world you know. The world you walk through, live in, play in, connect with. I do all these same things, except connect. I am disconnected, interrupted from the flow of the ordinary.  Utterly. I am an observer, witnessing the lives of others and overseeing my own; moving through a measurement of time three feet to the left of the common border. The border between what and what, you ask? I walk the Borderline between a Dissociated worldview and the one you know. For me the scene will differ though the picture may seem the same to you. This is the portrait I hope to portray.

What does that mean? As far as my eye can see, Borderline Personality Disorder, while a clinical diagnosis is not a tangible thing. It’s not a condition that can be disected and cauterized like a rotting limb, amputated to leave one functioning whole. It’s not a disease treatable like Bipolar or cancer that you can throw lithium or radiation at to ‘cure’. But, that doesn’t mean it isn’t a real problem. It’s a category that encompasses an array of symptoms classified by one overarching Title illness. You can try to treat the symptoms, but there’s no cure for the category. It’s a Label, so the psych can bill my insurance company with a pin-pointed disguise for my diag’nonsense’. I border on a multitude of madness and sanity. It’s a part of me.

This is how I journey through that world. Your world.

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4 comments on “Why, hello there Handsome.

  1. I see you Haven. I see what you see. I feel what you feel. For the same cup is pressed against my lips. And always has been.Yet this cup of poison, has been blended for in it's secret recesses hides the immutable.An intuitive sense. Of all time. All space. All being.A distortion? Or just, all that is hidden from the many?Best not answer that.

  2. Awww Haven huney. You're sweet. But tell me, what rate stands at 10 per cent for those with a diagnosis of Borderline?There was a time when I could communicate the most complex and difficult to describe characteristics of the human condition with clarity and dynamism.A mind hard wired to its unconscious processes of reasoning and intuition. But now that light has grown dim as I walk willingly towards the night.Once I was worth listening to dear Haven. But no longer. mortem sibi consciscere?You take care Haven.Salut.

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