It’s my birthday today.
Celebrating my birthday has never been cause for much excitement for me. I am precisely one day older than I was yesterday. Yay. Though I guess it’s something of an accomplishment that I’ve made it another year. Here’s hoping this one is better than last. It is nice to see how many people remember and want to celebrate with me. Though, I feel like I make plans more for the benefit of my friends and loved ones. For instance, Friday I will be having a gathering. It started off as just a very select group of my closest friends, but steadily expanded to include more people than I originally intended. Of course, I didn’t expect everyone to show but so far it seems that everyone I invited (with the exception of one) is coming over. And the one person that declined I only invited out of obligation because her husband is my best friend and it would be too awkward for him to have to explain why everyone we know is coming over but she’s not. So mostly I invited her for him, thankfully she declined. I hate that I even had to bother doing that. I should be able to invite who I want and have that be that. I rarely do things out of obligations because I simply don’t care. I guess it could appear rather rude, but it’s my celebration, I’d rather not have people around that make me uncomfortable or are downright rude themselves. It’s selfish, but humans are selfish creatures. All of us. Anyone that claims differently isn’t taking an honest look at who they are.
My sister and her boyfriend are also coming to stay with me this weekend. This is cause for actual excitement. My entire family lives 500 miles away and I only see them maybe 4 times a year. For someone that battles with constant lonliness it’s very difficult to live so far away from my biggest support base. While my relationship with my family was incredibly tumultuous when I was younger (I was a hellion), once I graduated high school and moved out, we became very close and I have a very strong relationship with my family. They’re as supportive as they can be from so far away, but the physical distance, translatese into an emotional distance and I have a hard time staying connected, feeling like I even have blood relations. I miss them terribly so it’s always wonderful when I get the chance to see them. So my sister and her boyfriend will be here for my gathering as well.
It’s a little too cold and snowy to take them into Manhattan but I imagine Saturday we’ll head into Brooklyn for some fun barhopping (80’s quarter slot arcade + microbrewery/bar = absolute win) and then head out to the Floating Kabarette. It’s one of my favorite venues. It’s like a vaudeville show with a witty and talented host. The performances include comedic acts, singing, dance troups, ariel fabric dancers/trapeze artists, and burlesque. It’s a wildly entertaining time. The venue itself is beautiful.
The Sunday I image a group of us will travel out East to visit some local wineries. Wine tasting may sound a little snooty but it’s a really cheap way to get smashed and learn what kind of wines you might actually like without having to spend out the ass trying whole bottles.
Today however, I get to work. Spending my birthday (or anyday) in this be damned office is rather grueling. Then I have another (pre)interview directly afterwards. Woohoo. A girlfriend of mine asked if she could come by and give me a present this evening though. I’m rather curious. I don’t expect it will actually be a tangible gift ::wink::.
All these plans, right now it feels like trying to fill up my days just to get through one more. They’re things I should be really looking foreward too and yet, I feel mostly blank. I know I used to look forward to such things. What happened?