Therapy Homework

Love my therapist.  
This hasn’t always been the case. My last therapist, while good intentioned, never really impressed me or seemed very knowledgeable about things. She helped me at the time to get through what I was going through, but ultimately she didn’t help me with my deeper problems, or even attempt to really explore them. Sort of like a band-aid on an amputation.
New therapist is very knowledgeable and understands my strengths {and weaknesses}. This really helps us find a way to approach and work on the things that I’m struggling with. She also listens to me and remembers who I am in order to tailor her approaches to match with my personality.  Anyways. She gives me homework. My last therapist never gave me homework. I love it. I am an uber nerd to the core so I appreciate having something to focus on in order to take an active role in my own development and recovery.  One of my main problems is that I have a cognitive dissonance between my feelings and my thoughts. I am ultra cognitive. I can think through any situation rationally and see the logical path or course of action. However, my feelings are utterly disconnected. I can logically understand something, but feel completely different. This is one of the reasons I was involved in a very abusive relationship for so long. I couldn’t reconcile this dissonance. I could see and logically understand what was going on, but my emotions were in such contrast that I couldn’t act either way. One of my strengths in therapy is that I am very cognitively aware. I am able to very quickly grasp new concepts and {attempt} to incorporate them into my life. The problem is, while I am cognitively aware, I can’t incorporate the correlating emotions. Working on experiencing my emotions appropriately, attaching to them and understanding them in an appropriate way is important for my development.
Sooo anyways. The homework she assigned me… To think about a problem, issue or concern I have right before going to bed. When I wake up in the morning, take a few minutes to think about and record the dreams I had during the night. In this way I can see how I subconsciously deal and work through my emotions. Understand how they manifest and begin to process them consciously. I LOVE this. I do this anyways when I have time. I have very vivid, very intense dreams. I hate sleeping (because it’s a waste of time) but I love to dream. My dreams are so bizarre and so fascinating. I write them down whenever I can. Dream interpretation is one of my pet hobbies. So yeah, I love this.
Assignment #2: Draw a picture of how I see myself. Find an image, character, or original thought that I relate to and draw myself as I see me in relation to this thing/person. I love to draw. Admittedly I have no formal artistic training, but I do have something of a natural talent. The deeper meaning is to probably take the source and gain insight into how I view myself in relation to it, thereby uncovering some facet of my personality. I don’t care. I get to draw =)  I chose the concept of one of my favorite character types from a book series that I’ve read probably a dozen times. I do think the character I chose that I relate to disturbed her a bit, and I wonder what it says about me, but ::shrug::, it’s what I relate to. 
(I’ll get back to my BPD facts and stats tomorrow. Just thought it would be nice to switch things up a bit.)
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