Posting this week may be a little off. Started the new job today. Full 8 hours of orientation.

I slept zero last night. None. I woke up everything 15-20 minutes to check my clock to make sure the alarm was set and that I hadn’t slept through it. Once I was up my brain started whirring about personal brain crazy and wouldn’t calm down enough to let me relax. When I did manage to doze off I had nightmares about getting up late, being late for work, and time suddenly becoming non-linear. Bloody f-ing subconscious. As if I’m not anxious enough when I’m awake, it has to overlap into my sleep. Gimme a break please.

I drank coffee today. That’s how exhausted I was. I hate coffee. Hate. It tastes like dirt and awful. Needed caffeine. I don’t care what anyone says. I’d rather do a triathlon than sit through videos and mindless droning all day. I’m not built to sit still like that.

So, in summation. I’ll try to resume more normal posting tomorrow evening. Good night everyone. 


4 comments on “Exhausted….

  1. had an email today about a system we have in brookhaven… made me think of you :p what division you in?i've some emergency diazepam to help switch off when i get a bit manic – thought you had more powerful shit than that!?

  2. @Dafeenah… an off switch would be amazing. I wonder if we can get federal funding. @Res … I'd tell you what division I was in but my paranoia has already kicked in. I'm on Trazadone specifically for sleep, but even drugged up I can't always fall asleep, definitely not stay asleep. Xanax actually works better for me, but I sleep harder and I was afraid I wouldn't wake up on time. I have panic attacks if I'm late for anything… and by 'late' – read: not at least 15 minutes early.

  3. I tried Trazadone too (prescribing me more drugs was my doctor's solution to the fact that I couldn't sleep on Cipralex…) and it didn't work for me either :(I was just recently diagnosed with both depression and borderline personality disorder, and find it both amusing and disturbing that no one could give me an explanation for what’s wrong with me until now. Finally having a proper diagnoses, however, at least gives me some guidance as to where to look for hope. For me, a lot of that hope comes from bloggers like you, because I can relate to your stories on so many levels and finally feel like someone “gets it”. Thank you for that. Keep posting. I hope you will follow me in my fight too.http://sweetknittins.blogspot.com/

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