Here’s something I completely forgot to mention. After my last session Therapist had called and left me an additional homework assignment called Completing Sentences. It’s exactly what it sounds to be. She starts a sentence, and I complete it. Over the course of her message she also said things like she was thinking about me, and worried about me. I had a really hard week and I’ve been upset but it’s all a part of the therapeutic process and I’m doing really well. My therapist is a very caring and nurturing woman. For as frustrating as I know I must be, she’s so very supportive and I am glad to have her as my therapist.
Assignment about my fears – Completing sentences:
I’m afraid to…
Will I ever…
I want to…
I feel most afraid when…
One good thing about my fear is…
No one… will ever love me.
I’m afraid to… be myself.
Will I ever… be loved
I want to… be a whole person.
I feel most afraid when… I’m alone.
One good thing about my fear is… I am only myself.
Expanded and detailed:
No one… will ever love me. No one will stay with me.
I’m afraid to… be myself. People will see me for who I really am. See all my flaws, see that I’m not perfect, that I can’t be who they want me to be, and leave me or want me to leave. When they see this it will prove what I’ve always known, that I’m not good enough, I’ll never be good enough, nothing I do will ever be good enough.
Will I ever… be loved. For me. In a way that doesn’t end or leave. Will I have friends that love me and stay, will I find a partner that wants to spend their life with me. Will I ever be the kind of person that doesn’t need this kind of validation? The kind of person that can love herself and be safe in the knowledge that if I appreciate who I am, than that is all that truly matters?
I want to… be a whole person. I want to be in control of my life. I want to love myself and my body. I want to look in the mirror, recognize who I see, and appreciate who I see.
I feel most afraid when… I’m alone. No one will remember me. My attachment to them will dissolve. If I’m not around people they’ll forget me and I won’t be a part of their lives anymore.
One good thing about my fear is… I am only myself. I have no one to play to, pretend for. No one to influence who I should be. No one to tell me that I’m not good enough, not okay. What’s so weird for me is that in general I don’t care what anyone thinks of me. It’s only those very few people that are close to me that have this kind of influence and effect on me.
For this post I’m only doing my initial impressions. Thinking about it for a few minutes I can come up with probably dozens of things to expand on but that’ll just be overwhelming here. It’s a good exercise. Try it. I’d actually be really interested in seeing what you come up with so I invite you to e-mail me or leave it in the comments section if you feel like sharing.