Memoirs on a Sunday

Oh what a weekend. Sooo, starting this week I’ve been taking Therapists advice; and hanging out with Friend less. I sort of waited until the last minute to tell him that I wouldn’t be coming over Friday. I was instantly conflicted and probably would have gone over if the party ended at a decent time, but it’s probably for the best that it didn’t. Speaking of…. 
Friday I spent the evening with my coworkers =) We had a wine and cheese party. Everyone brought a bottle of wine, and cheeses or crackers, he made some homemade pizzas. I made a homemade dense chocolate torte. I was so excited for this torte. I can’t really say any culinary endeavor is particularly difficult for me, but when you have to create your own simple syrups, combine everything over a double boiler and then bake it in a water bath, we’re getting into more advanced techniques. I have to say it came out phenomenally. And so did the entire party. Except for a few times checking my phone to see if Friend texted me I was totally in the moment. I didn’t dissociate at all. The whole night I was charming and engaging, laughing, and chatting comfortably… I even bonded with my coworkers son over his mighty impressive Star Wars Lego collection. We’re going to have another party like this very soon. And I have to say, I’m really looking forward to it. My colleagues are really great people. Not at all the kind of people I would have envisioned myself socializing with. I mean, they’re all so… normal. Nice, normal people. 
::smiles:: Then the end of the night rolls around. I was actually a little worried I’d missed saying goodnight to Tech Boy while I was looking at Legos. After I said goodnight to our host he was waiting for me. Chatted for a few minutes…. Kissed for even longer.  I love that feeling. That anticipation, the racing heart, breathe catching in your throat… mmmmmmmm. I love first kisses. 
He came over Saturday around 4:30p to make me dinner. Adorable. I make food for so many people he thought I deserved to have dinner made for me for a change. I can’t remember the last time someone made dinner just for me.  The butterflies in my stomach were on steroids haha. He said he rushed over as fast as he could. I cracked some wine, popped open some beer, and let him make me a very tasty dinner. Followed by an epic marathon of Star Wars episodes 1, 2, and 3. Not that I even remember watching the last two movies. I love that rush of being swept away in a flood of feelings and moments. 
The only thing that remotely bothered me was the nagging voice of Therapist in the back of my head saying that this was a bad idea. It put a slight sourness on my actions, made me hesitate instead of just letting go. Maybe it’s a good thing. I did hold back a little. Not much, but a little. And I still had him stay over. I have to say, it was really, really nice waking up with his arms around me in the morning. Around me, all over me ::giggles:: We seriously laid in bed dozing and wrapping ourselves around each other for hours. I haven’t done that, felt comfortable doing that, in ages. Waking up next to someone that wants to wake up next to me is one of those things I love more than anything. 
When we finally dragged ourselves out of bed I made a huge breakfast: buttermilk waffles with cinnamon and vanilla, hashbrowns, sausages, orange juice. He finally left after breakfast. I finally threw up the biggest breakfast I’ve had in forever. Kind of a shame because it was delicious, but I’m finally starting to like my body again, and I need to watch how I look if someone is going to be seeing me naked again. 
Guys don’t want to know that though. Gotta hide the imperfections. Fortunately most of mine are mental and I don’t have to throw them out in the open. I can just be beautiful. 
I love this part.

2 comments on “Memoirs on a Sunday

  1. I'm so happy to hear that you're finding healthy friends who will give instead of just taking but the last part of your post worries me a bit. but when there are good days we should enjoy them. I'm glad you're having good days.

  2. hi -i just found your blog and i find it fascinating!it's good to read you're having a good time!as for the imperfections you want to hide,i totally get it-it feels as if i could have written that! just remember,our imperfections aren't our fault.We acted out,got angry ext. because we were hurting inside.We aren't our mistakes-we are who we choose to be today.Any good person will see that.At least,that's what i tell myself!good luck with Techboy!

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