Be Yourself

Even if you’re still trying to figure out who that is.

“Boys will be boys, that’s what people say. No one ever mentions how girls have to be something other than themselves altogether. We are to stifle the same feelings that boys are encouraged to display. We are to use gossip as a means of policing ourselves — this way those who do succumb to sex but are not damaged by it are damaged instead by peer malice. Girls demand a covenant because if one gives in, others will be expected to do the same. We are to remain united in cruelty, ignorance, and aversion. Or we are to starve the flesh from our bones, penalizing the body for its nature, castigating ourselves for advances we are powerless to prevent. We are to make false promises then resist the attentions solicited. Basically we are to become expert liars. (p. 65)”

I don’t know if this has anything to do with having a Borderline Personality or not, but it got my thinking about just how influential cultural norms can be in the development of children and adolescents. When you’re constantly bombarded with contradictory images and expectations is it any wonder that it’s so difficult for some of us to process how we are supposed to be? It’s a constant internal struggle of Who I Want To Be, Who I Think I Am, vs. Who I’m “Supposed” To Be.  The ramifications of going against the grain can be paralyzing and fear inducing at the very least.
I rebelled. Outwardly. To the world I appeared unphased by societies rules and regulations of how a woman should look and act. Internally though I fought this battle every single day. My already turbulent perception of myself and the world around me was fueled to a new level of distress and doubt.
I still feel pressured constantly to be different than how I am. On the one hand, I do want to be different because I don’t want to be emotionally turbulent and depressive all the time. On the other hand, how does that interplay with the aspects of myself that I approve of. Those aspects that I like that society still deems to frown upon? Society gets a big fuck you there. I’m aware enough to recognize that some of my behavior is not acceptable, but I’m also aware enough to recognize that some of the behavior of society at large is also not acceptable. Telling anyone they are not good enough, or that they should be someone fundamentally different than themselves so they can fit into a Stepford Wife cookie cutter is unreasonable and unacceptable. As long as I’m alive I believe there are ways for me to grow and improve as a person. Growing and improving for myself does not mean I have to grow into what society thinks I should look like.  
By Haven Posted in quote

3 comments on “Be Yourself

  1. Great post!! Just because something is the norm doesn't mean it's OK. Racism used to be the norm, slavery used to be the norm. Sometimes a fuck you to society is just what's needed.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s