Hi. I’m Haven.
No, you won’t be safe here. I won’t tell you comforting lies. I am a refuge for the truth. Large or small, sometimes the greatest epiphanies fall from the most innocuous moments. I have had these, though I make no promises that you might.
I would say, I’m just a girl, but I don’t usually feel like one. I don’t usually feel human at all. A body walking, talking, thinking. Animated consciousness. I recognize the world around me though it feels as if someone else is stimulating my actions as I witness from afar.
My story is set in the mundane. Recognizable as the world you know. The world you walk through, live in, play in, connect with. I do all these same things, except connect. I am disconnected, interrupted from the flow of the ordinary. Utterly. I am an observer, witnessing the lives of others and overseeing my own; moving through a measurement of time three feet to the left of the common border. The border between what and what, you ask? I walk the Borderline between a Dissociated worldview and the one you know. For me the scene will differ though the picture may seem the same to you. This is the portrait I hope to portray.
What does that mean? As far as my eye can see, Borderline Personality Disorder, while a clinical diagnosis is not a tangible thing. It’s not a condition that can be disected and cauterized like a rotting limb, amputated to leave one functioning whole. It’s not a disease treatable like Bipolar or cancer that you can throw lithium or radiation at to ‘cure’. But, that doesn’t mean it isn’t a real problem. It’s a category that encompasses an array of symptoms classified by one overarching Title illness. You can try to treat the symptoms, but there’s no cure for the category. It’s a Label, so the psych can bill my insurance company with a pin-pointed disguise for my diag’nonsense’. I border on a multitude of madness and sanity. It’s a part of me.
This is how I journey through that world. Your world.