As a side note: I HATE considering myself an emotional person. Anyone that meets me and gets to know me a little would tell you I am one of the most rational women you’ve ever met. Not emotional at all. Just like one of the guys. Crude, funny, outgoing and witty. These certainly are parts of my personality, but they’re parts I put into focus in order to mask everything else beneath the surface.
Continuing my 4 Part series of Dr. Linehan’s theory I’ll now explore Unremitted crisis vs. Inhibited grief.
Unremitted crisis– uninterrupted; constant, unpardoned (as a sin) feeling that a condition of instability or danger leading to a decisive change which the trend of all future events, esp. for better or for worse, is determined by a dramatic emotional or circumstantial upheaval in a person’s life. Steadily maintained.
Ok, yes. Especially with my depression and trying to hold onto the thought that people care about me and aren’t going to leave, I always feel like I’m struggling to hold on. Everything feels dire or like there’s impending doom whether it’s externally perceived or battling my own internal thoughts and feelings. I NEED to understand what’s happening and what’s more I need those that care for me to understand, intervene, be there for me to lean on if I need.
Fortunately my current apartment and roommate are a safe haven for me, I have some reprieve from the constant upheaval. Some, not always, but it’s at least a calm environment.
Up next we have: Active passivity vs. Apparent Competence
Active passivity – this is defined as: the tendency to be passive when confronted with a problem and actively seek a rescuer.
No. Not even a little. When confronted with a problem I confront it right back. I don’t run away from anything. I’m not afraid of people’s reactions in the way that is typical of BPD. I’m hate the thought of negative outcomes but I also believe that as long as a problem can be worked on, talked through, and people are willing to communicate it is possible to get through a problem and not have a devastating outcome. I suspect my Dissociative Disorder acts up in this arena as well. When faced with conflict my emotions turn off completely and I argue with pure logic. I can talk about emotions but not feel them. Then if it becomes inevitable that a situation can not be resolved I go numb to the negative emotions that should come of it. This doesn’t always work. However, I don’t need a white knight, I’ll save myself, thanks.
My personality tends to be too dominant, independent to rely on other people. I can see where some passivity comes into my life, and I guess if I’m really honest, I do hope for someone to come along, see me, and accept me for all that I am. Save me from a lifetime of loneliness. But I’m also not willing to latch onto every shmuck that falls my way. I have standards after all.
I’m learning how to deal with this though. Through therapy and my journaling I am learning to recognize the emotions that are not … for a given instance. Once you can recognize that a situation is not beyond your capacity to handle, can take a step back and analyze why a feeling is so intense it becomes easier to understand it and thus, manage it and learn to respond more appropriately in the future. It’s not easy, and it doesn’t happen overnight, but it does work. So maybe this field isn’t quite a ‘yes’ for me either because I actually am learning to competently deal with my emotions.
Continuing on with Dr. Linehan’s theory I’ll take a look at Vulnerability vs. Invalidation
One theory is presented by Dr. Linehan’s. Linehan has developed a comprehensive sociobiological theory which appears to be borne out by the successes found in controlled studies of her Dialectical Behavioral Therapy.
Linehan theorizes that borderlines are born with an innate biological tendency to react more intensely to lower levels of stress than others and to take longer to recover. They peak “higher” emotionally on less provocation and take longer coming down. In addition, they were raised in environments in which their beliefs about themselves and their environment were continually devalued and invalidated. These factors combine to create adults who are uncertain of the truth of their own feelings and who are confronted by three basic dialectics they have failed to master (and thus rush frantically from pole to pole of):
– unremitting crises vs. inhibited grief.