Quotes from the Borderline

“Intimacy is based on shared vulnerability… nothing deepens intimacy like the experiences that we share when we feel flayed, with our skins off, scared and vulnerable, and our partner is there with us, willing to share in the scary stuff.”


~Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt






Maybe this is part of the reason why I have such a hard time forming intimate relationships.  Intimacy is about sharing who you are. All of who you are. Not just the good, but the bad and the strange. I can’t let anyone see my vulnerabilities. To do that would be to expose my body naked to the elements. 
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Quotes from the Borderline

“What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction.

~Chuck Palahniuk

[source]


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Be Yourself



Even if you’re still trying to figure out who that is.



“Boys will be boys, that’s what people say. No one ever mentions how girls have to be something other than themselves altogether. We are to stifle the same feelings that boys are encouraged to display. We are to use gossip as a means of policing ourselves — this way those who do succumb to sex but are not damaged by it are damaged instead by peer malice. Girls demand a covenant because if one gives in, others will be expected to do the same. We are to remain united in cruelty, ignorance, and aversion. Or we are to starve the flesh from our bones, penalizing the body for its nature, castigating ourselves for advances we are powerless to prevent. We are to make false promises then resist the attentions solicited. Basically we are to become expert liars. (p. 65)”

I don’t know if this has anything to do with having a Borderline Personality or not, but it got my thinking about just how influential cultural norms can be in the development of children and adolescents. When you’re constantly bombarded with contradictory images and expectations is it any wonder that it’s so difficult for some of us to process how we are supposed to be? It’s a constant internal struggle of Who I Want To Be, Who I Think I Am, vs. Who I’m “Supposed” To Be.  The ramifications of going against the grain can be paralyzing and fear inducing at the very least.
I rebelled. Outwardly. To the world I appeared unphased by societies rules and regulations of how a woman should look and act. Internally though I fought this battle every single day. My already turbulent perception of myself and the world around me was fueled to a new level of distress and doubt.
I still feel pressured constantly to be different than how I am. On the one hand, I do want to be different because I don’t want to be emotionally turbulent and depressive all the time. On the other hand, how does that interplay with the aspects of myself that I approve of. Those aspects that I like that society still deems to frown upon? Society gets a big fuck you there. I’m aware enough to recognize that some of my behavior is not acceptable, but I’m also aware enough to recognize that some of the behavior of society at large is also not acceptable. Telling anyone they are not good enough, or that they should be someone fundamentally different than themselves so they can fit into a Stepford Wife cookie cutter is unreasonable and unacceptable. As long as I’m alive I believe there are ways for me to grow and improve as a person. Growing and improving for myself does not mean I have to grow into what society thinks I should look like.  
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Quotes from the Borderline

“I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.”
— Umberto Eco

….Monday’s are so hard sometimes

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Quotes from the Borderline

“When we are dealing with human beings, no truth has reality by itself; it is always dependent upon the reality of the immediate relationship.”

     ~ Rollo May, The Origins of the Existential Movement in Psychology, in Existence

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Quotes from the Borderline

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The greatest battle is not physical but psychological; the demons telling us to give up when we push ourselves to the limit and never be silenced for good. They must always be answered by the quiet the steady dignity that simply refuses to give in. Courage. We all suffer. Keep going. 
~Graeme Fife

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Quotes from the Borderline




“What makes BPD different from any other personality disorder is that your anger and impulsiveness – acting out, kicking over a chair – only happens when you’re dealing with people you really love. If it’s somebody you don’t care about, who cares?” 



~Doug Ferrari
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Quotes from the Borderline

“I call a lie: wanting not to see something one does see, wanting not to see something as one sees it… The most common lie is the lie one tells to oneself; lying to others is relatively the exception.”
     ~ Friedrich Nietzsche ~

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Quotes from Across the Borderline

“Borderlines can describe themselves for five hours without your getting a realistic picture of what they’re like.”
~Otto Friedmann Kernberg~


 “I–I hardly know, sir, just at present– at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.”



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