Borderline Personality Disorder: 8 Dangerous Myths

Sleep. Yesterday was a bit excessive. I’ve been in a bit of pain lately so I took a couple prescription strength pain killers and BAM, out like a freakin’ light. It’s not like I wanted to download Skyrim for PC anyways. (Gamer girl, don’t judge).

So in my ever evolving search for information on BPD I stumbled upon this CBSNews slideshow that I thought I’d share.

Borderline Personality Disorder: 8 Dangerous Myths

 

I’ve linked to it, but I’ll also write them all out for those of us that don’t have Flash or have slow computers or just don’t feel like flipping through a slideshow.

1.    Myth: Borderline personality disorder is rare

“BPD is much more common than most people think,” says Dr. Manning. It affects approximately 2 percent of the general population – or one out of 50 people.

2. Myth: Bad parenting is to blame for BPD

It’s a common misconception that all people with BPD grew up with abusive and emotionally distant parents. BPD is believed to be a result of both nature and nurture.

Although BPD is often linked to childhood abuse, some people with BPD come from perfectly functional families that were ill-equipped at teaching the extremely emotional child how to manage emotional sensitivity.

3. Myth: People with BPD don’t know how to love

People with BPD have difficulty controlling their emotions – but that doesn’t mean they don’t feel them. Dr. Manning says people with BPD have a tremendous capacity for love and are often compassionate and caring towards humans and pets.

While it can be exhausting and exasperating at times, it’s entirely possible to have a lasting, loving relationship with someone who suffers from BPD. Dr. Manning says there are several strategies you can use if your partner has BPD. It helps to keep your own emotions in check when the person with BPD is acting emotional. So does acknowledging their emotions by saying things like “I can see that this must hurt a lot” rather than dismissing them.

4. Myth: BPD only affects women

More people diagnosed with BPD are women- about 70 percent – but plenty of men suffer from the disorder. Researchers believe that BPD is underdiagnosed in men.

5. Myth: People with BPD are unbearable

It may seem like people with BPD are doomed to careen from one crisis to another. But Dr. Manning says they can learn problem-solving, emotion-management strategies that can help them gain control of their emotions and lead happy productive lives.

6. Myth: People with BPD can’t take care of themselves

Even though BPD is a serious illness, sufferers don’t need to spend their lives in and out of psychiatric hospitals. Many people with BPD have families, friends, and jobs once they learn how to regulate their emotions.

7. Myth: People with BPD don’t really want to kill themselves

It’s a sad misconception that people with BPD only attempt suicide to get attention. In reality around 10 percent of people with BPD die by suicide, says Dr. Manning.

Some people with BPD also harm themselves by cutting, burning, or scratching. People often self-harm to provide relief for their intense emotions without intending to die.

8. Myth: There are no treatments for BPD

There are several treatment options for borderline personality disorder. The most effective is called dialectical behavior therapy. It’s a form of psychotherapy that lets people with BPD learn new behavioral skills to help them manage their emotions, relationships, and stress through problem solving strategies.

Dr. Manning says, “It’s a misconception that people with BPD will never get better.”

I’ve covered these before in my Myths, Misconceptions and Controversy series. What I found most remarkable about this little slideshow? The compassion. It does not attempt to villain-ize people suffering with BPD. It’s almost encouraging in its brevity even if it is overly simplified.

Get over it ~and~ Push Away-Pull Back: Controversy in Borderline Personality Disorder – Part 6

Previously I’ve talked about Controversy in Borderline Personality Disorder (starting here). I also said that I’d continue to update them as I stumbled upon more. Well, unsurprisingly I have found more so I’ll be adding to my previous blog series today. So, here are a couple more Controversies and Misconceptions about BPD:

Misconception: You can bring about recovery in a person with a Borderline Personality Disorder through your own actions.

Fact: Personality Disorders are Real Mental Illnesses – and they don’t depend on what anyone else does, or doesn’t do, said, or didn’t say. You can’t cure a personality disorder with love, anger, submission or ultimatums. That’s like trying to hit a puppy by throwing a live bee at it (points if you know where that line is from).

Man, if only this were true. Let a friend or loved one know you have a mental issue, let them wave their hand around your head and Poof! no more personality disorder.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had friends and family sit down with me, give me advice or tell me to just get over it. Growing up my dad did the latter very often. He invalidated my feels, told me suck it up and get over it. I don’t think he was intentionally trying to be mean, but he clearly wasn’t helping me develop a healthy emotional state. Granted, if I wasn’t predisposed to having such emotionally charged response to things I may not have elicited these response from him so often. They did make me afraid to show my emotions though. Like when my grandmother died, instead of allowing myself to grieve naturally I locked myself away in my closet to cry instead of voicing my hurt. I needed to suck it up and be strong for my brother and sister. Instead of processing my emotions in a situation that actually was very appropriate to be upset, I repressed how I felt because I believed that showing these feelings was bad and wrong.

My parents love me. They love me a lot. Even today my mom continues to send me holistic articles on releasing negative emotions and gaining a calmer state of mind, as if reading an article will help cure me. I know her intentions are good and she just wants me to get better. It’s her way of showing she cares, but it’s almost completely useless and makes me feel guilty for not being able to be better for them.

The point is, no matter how much you care, how guilty you feel, how much you talk about and give advice to someone with a Borderline Personality Disorder, you can’t magically make it go away. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t be there when they need you (please don’t abandon us), give your love and support, just understand that it’s not your fault if it isn’t cured.

Controversy: People with BPD can get better if they just try harder.

Fact: Although management of symptoms is possible through a combination of medications, therapy and personal work, they can’t make the disorder disappear altogether. Personality disorders are mental illnesses based on neurological differences for which there is no known cure.

This goes right along with the previously mentioned myth. Sometimes I have doubts, sometimes I’m afraid to give up the familiar feelings, sometimes I fall to hopelessness, but I don’t think anyone really wants to deal with this. If we could get better by willing ourselves into a more normal state, of course we’d do it. Personality disorders are deeply ingrained disorders built up over a lifetime, biological dispositions, and/or a combination of both. They’re characterological, not a choice. They chose us, we didn’t choose them, and we can’t tell them to take a hike whenever we want. Hell, a huge, huge number of those with Borderline Personality Disorder are not diagnosed, will never be diagnosed, and have no idea what they are going through even has a name because they don’t have the help and support they need. How do you fix something that is so much a part of you when you don’t even know there is something to work on. Even when you do, it may take years of therapy and medicinal help and encouragement to learn better coping mechanisms to deal and heal wit BPD. It is not easy to change a lifetime of living in turmoil. I’m trying. I’m trying really damn hard. I think I’m seeing progress, but I have a long ways to go.

Controversy: People with BPD are basically just selfish.

Fact: Personality Disorders have been shown in some studies to be rooted in neurological differences in the way different regions of the brain communicate with each other. This isn’t suggesting that people with PDs shouldn’t be held accountable for their own behaviors – they absolutely should. But it would also be a mistake to regard people who suffer from PDs simply as mentally healthy people who are being selfish.

This one is tricky. Everyone is selfish. Everyone. Even those people that are seemingly altruistic derive a sense of well being from helping others that brings about a feeling that they are doing good. That feeling is for that person. People don’t generally do things that make them feel bad just because someone else needs something. That said, it’s not bad to be selfish, it’s just a byproduct of being human. So yes, someone with BPD can be selfish, but this isn’t our basic nature.

Someone with BPD though, can be very needy. Extremely needy. We often need validation that are feelings are real, that someone loves us, won’t leave us and therefore a lot of attention to ‘prove’ this. We covet this and don’t want to lose it. This isn’t something we set out to do though. We don’t wake up in the morning and say, “Gee, I think I want to monopolize someone else’s mental state, attention, and resources. Selfish powers activate!” Maybe some do, but there are plenty of ‘normal’ people that do this (maybe not the ‘selfish powers activate’ part). It’s not just a product of Borderline Personality Disorder. For the most part I think it’s a fear response. Fear that we will be left, that we aren’t worthy of being loved, that people are lying and trying to use us… an endless list of other things. We need reassurance and it takes a lot of energy to show us that. Unfortunately it’s a part of our nature to need this, feel smothered by it, push it away, fear the loss of it, frantically try to retrieve it, and repeat the cycle endlessly, for as long as someone will let us. So it does appear that we are acting mostly on our own behalf. This doesn’t negate the fact that we do care about the people in our lives, this doesn’t change the fact that we love the people in our lives and want to take care of those around us. That we do have so much to give. We just need to be shown this in return to a degree that many don’t require.

I do want to stress accountability. We are responsible for our own actions. Just because we feel incredibly out of control does not mean it’s ok to Act Out. I know it’s very, very difficult to reign this in sometimes, but we do need to try. Otherwise it just ends up hurting the people around us and acts to push them away.  

Does Borderline Personality Disorder exist? – Controversy in Borderline Personality Disorder

 

There is a lot of myth and controversy surrounding Borderline Personality Disorder. This is due to the fact  that the nature of BPD is very complicated.

Controversy ranges from Diagnostic criteria, usefulness of medication, effectiveness of therapeutic techniques, gender discrepancy, possibility of recovery, Axis location, terminology, and whether it even exists as an actual disorder at all. There are many, many more. I can’t say I’m surprised though, we’re a pretty controversial group of people.

This will be the beginning of a series of entries surrounding the controversies with BPD.

So to start; I think it’s appropriate to begin with:

Does Borderline Personality Disorder even exist?

One of the myths I’ve found is that there is no such thing as BPD. However more than three hundred research studies and three thousand clinical papers provide ample evidence that BPD is a valid, diagnosable psychiatric illness.

The question about the existence of BPD comes from several claims.

1.)     The first being shear ignorance of current psychological research. Definitions and diagnosis of BPD have changed drastically in the decades that it has been recognized as a disorder and some clinicians may be overwhelmed, or choose, to focus on many other areas of specialization and just not know how this subject has developed.

2.)    Some clinicians believe that it is not a separate disorder. They believe it is a collection of symptoms that are better encompassed by Bipolar Disorder or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  I’ve talked about PTSD before {here} and why I believe these are different disorders.  Bipolar II is a bipolar spectrum disorder characterized by at least one hypomanic episode and at least one major depressive episode; with this disorder, depressive episodes are more frequent and more intense than manic episodes. As far as Bipolar is concerned; I can see how Borderline Personality Disorder could be confused with Bipolar II (Bipolar depression) from a mood disorder standpoint. People with BPD tend towards a chronic depressive state with instance of hypomania (this certainly fits me). However BP II doesn’t the address the “instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts,” markers that define BPD. (More on Bipolar II)

3.)    Some simply reject labeling because of the stigmas associated with BPD and find all psychiatric diagnosis limiting and misleading. This one in particular I find to be ignorant. Yes, BPD does have a lot of associated stigmas (which I will also discuss in a later post), and avoiding stigmas is beneficial to the personal interactions of a patient in the outside world. However, by refusing to provide a diagnosis it can be very difficult to provide a clear course of action in therapy. By extension, it makes it more difficult to find a path to recovery. Not to mention, someone with BPD doesn’t have to tell anyone that they have been given this diagnosis, which will also allow them to avoid the general stigmas. If the psychiatrist/ologist/therapist holds onto these stigmas, it’s best for the patient to find a professional that is better equipped to handle the challenges associated with the present symptoms.

4.)    Another reason stems from the fact that the categorical diagnosis and causes for BPD are often disputed among professionals.  While the DSM does provide a list of criteria, there isn’t a single dimensional model that clearly maps how to identify traits and how, or if, they correlate to one another. This means there is dispute over the importance of various criteria, whether they are related to one another at all or just coincidentally present in the patient, existing as distinct problems or pieces of various other disorders. So the root causes that are traditionally used to classify BPD are called into question.  

“There continues to be some debate as to which personality variables should be assessed to make a diagnosis of personality disorder in the normal/abnormal personality continuum. It would seem to be appropriate in this approach to choose those personality variables more likely to be personal and concerned with functioning, in order to assist in understanding the patient’s disabilities and obtain strong clues about them. The difficulties encountered in the diagnosis and study of personality disorder include inconsistencies in assessment across both instruments and raters. “

Most professionals agree that the symptoms that compose Borderline Personality Disorder are part of one clinical diagnosis. The symptoms themselves are not deniable. No doctor or therapist would look at a patient talking about their problems and tell them these issues do not exist. That is not the question. The question is mostly one of definition and categorization. Regardless of what anyone thinks, the problems are real and having the ability to recognize the distinction of various symptoms is an important tool in order to deal and work to recover.